Simple Rules for Air Travel

Air travel is easy. Just follow these simple rules....

1. Don't put your ID away yet. You will need to show it a minimum of three times. Put it away only when you get to the gate (unless it's an international flight, and then you need it for boarding as well.) Keep it handy.
   
2. If you can't lift your luggage over your head CHECK IT. Don't bring it on the plain and look at me with the 'can you help, kind sir' look.
3. The space under YOUR seat belongs to the person behind you. Don't cram newspapers, blankets, or your purse under there. (If I am sitting behind you, these items will be kicked out into the aisle).
4. If you were dopey enough to put your luggage several rows behind you when you got on, then you deserve to sit and wait for everyone else to get off the plane before you do. Don't be a salmon. Sit down and wait.
5. Portable DVD player? Movie on your laptop? USE HEADPHONES!
6. You have a right to put your seat back as far as possible. I have the right to press my knees deep into your seat to prevent you from doing so.
7. I am in the aisle row because I chose wisely when selecting my seat. If you chose to guzzle down a venti latte as you boarded and now need to use the lav, I will feign sleep and force you to either hold it in or climb over me. My headphones will prevent me from hearing you ask me to move. My Ambien will prevent me from feeling you prod my side.
8. People sleep on red-eyes. Turn off the light and let me sleep.
9. I am not responsible for getting a landing card, snack, or drink for you while you were sleeping/peeing/staring at the clouds.
10. I spent the same amount of time on the plane as you have. Trying to squeeze in front of me while deplaning will only get you hit by my backpack (followed of course with an insincere apology).
    

But most of all, enjoy your flight.